I Hate To See You Tremble
by ForbiddenSnowflake666
Summary: Underoath slash. I wrote it last year... Urh... Spencer is feeling low since Fat Mike ridiculed him on stage, and is having a mental breakdown. But can Aaron help him? Yaoi. Obviously. Don't like, don't read.
1. Part 1

Here's something I did for Quizilla last year, with the username x-Loveless-x. (My other account name is ForbiddenSnowflake666 - it has Brian Molko FanFiction; Not slash though) I don't really know why I wrote this, but it took about a week, I think, and it was fun. Gawd, I hope this doesn't offend anyone. I think everything justifies itself though...

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Underoath, or the Warped Tour, or anything else mentioned in this story.

* * *

He was breathing heavily, pure confusion in his eyes. This wasn't like him; he usually had control over himself.

"W-why is he doing this? Does he have no other joy in life? I didn't take drugs on the bus with him , I swear-"

"I believe you," I interrupted him. "You're right. He shouldn't be allowed to do this."

I had expected his breathing to calm, and for him to calm down considerably, but if anything, it got worse.

"I-I mean, he can't just say that on stage in front of that many people. I-I just... I-"

Oh shit. He was starting a panic attack. His face reddened due to fresh tears and being unable to breathe.

"Stand up!" I shouted. "I need you to stand up. And straight."

When he did nothing I seized him and pressed his back to my chest, placing one hand on his stomach and the other on his chest.

"Okay. You have to breathe out. Just a little. If you don't breathe out, then you won't be able to breathe in. C'mon, you can do it."

With effort, he breathed out, just the tiniest bit.

"Good. Now don't try to take in too much air. Short breaths until you regain control. That's it..."

Slowly, his breathing calmed. Unconsciously it seemed, my hands moved, stroked, ever so slightly. I had never been so close to Spencer before, and I enjoyed the feeling. I dreamed that one day he would know how I felt about him. But he could never know. It would ruin everything.

I thought of Jamie as I held him like this, my girlfriend. Fiancée. That's what made my feelings for Spencer even worse. I loved Jamie, but it seemed like nothing compared to how I felt about Spencer. I proposed to Jamie to try and get away from him, but I knew now that I couldn't truly do that without leaving the band. Being the only original member left, I didn't really want that to happen.

Leaning up as far as I could, I rested my chin on his shoulder, and turned my face to his ear.

"Are you okay?" I whispered.

I felt him shake, and heard the breath catch in his throat, as if he had not expected me to be so close to him. His muscles tensed, as though he had just realised where my hands were.

"Y-yes," he muttered. "Thank you."

"No problem," I said, lips accidentally brushing his ear. His eyes closed, and he shook again. "I'm gonna go get you a flannel."

"N-no."

His hands clasped over mine, and he pulled them firmly around him. I frowned slightly, wondering why he did this. Still, I held him without question, wondering if I should take it further.

"You alright?" I asked again.

He didn't answer. Maybe he was thinking about it, perhaps wondering why he had tightened my grip on him, as was I.

I decided to take a chance that could ruin everything. His neck was so close to my face, slender and supple, white. I could see the veins, the beginning of his jaw, and it drew me in. I couldn't have resisted for much longer. I pressed my lips to it, hearing Spencer sigh and tilt his head back further. His hands caressed mine and pressed them closer to his body. It turned me on, and I put more pressure into the kisses I was placing on his neck.

But I had to stop. I didn't want this turning into something we'd both regret by morning. If we didn't regret it already. Placing one final kiss to his neck, I eased myself away from him.

"We... we can't," I said weakly. I was practically giving up what I had yearned for for so long. "I... I don't want something to happen that we'll regret."

Stupid, stupid, stupid. I was so close to having him, and now I was giving it up.

There was a look of hurt on his face, and sadness in his eyes. He took in a shuddering breath.

"Kiss me again," he said, a look of pleading in his eyes. "I... I just... please. I... I wanna forget about it all just for a while."

I tried to protest, lower regions not wanting me to.

"But... it'd be going against everything we believe in," I muttered, eyes closing and fists clenching at my side.

"You want it too. You think I don't notice you... staring at me with that look in your eye. You think I don't fully understand the meaning in the lyrics you write."

"You're not yourself right now. You... you don't know what you want," I said, more to myself than to Spencer.

"Please, Aaron... please... kiss me."

I opened my eyes to look into his. He had stepped closer, and I could see some deep emotion in his eyes. He took a step closer to me, as I stepped towards him. We got so close that our noses almost touched. I couldn't take it any more. I had waited too long for this opportunity, and didn't want to let it go that easily.

Tilting my head upwards, I captured his lips in mine, hearing his sound of surprise. I pulled away briefly before taking another stab at it. Our arms encircled each other as we got into the flow of things, and pulled us close to one another. I sighed in some sort of relief as I felt his body pressed up against mine, my heart aching with wanting him. I coaxed his lips apart with my tongue, hearing us both let out a sound of surprise.

Kissing Spencer was like nothing I had ever experienced before. I had kissed girls like this before, but never a man. Never this man. It was the same for him I guess. I was still so sure that he was going to regret this later, and mentally punish himself for letting this happen. But it was happening now, and he was happy. That's all I wanted.

Spencer's hands ascended to my head, massaging my scalp and stroking my cheek. I dragged us over to the sofa before I couldn't stand up any more. We sat at an awkward angle, kissing each other furiously, all the while wondering why and how this was happening. Gently, he started pushing me back onto the sofa, holding onto me as we fell into a lying position. His lips slowly left mine and began trailing down my chin, down my neck.

"No," I breathed. "We can't."

"Why?" he gasped ruggedly, lifting his head to look me in the eyes.

"We can't take it further. I... I don't want you to regret it, and for us to fall out. I... I care too much. About you. And our friendship. I don't want to see it broken."

I turned my head to the side, away from Spencer, a tear falling down my cheek. I couldn't tell him how much I cared. It would have a chain reaction and destroy everything about the band.

"It won't be broken," he insisted, wiping away my tears. "I won't let it break. But... wow, I don't believe I'm saying this. We've got this far, how much worse could it be if we took it further?"

This was coming from Spencer Chamberlain, lead vocalist of a strict Christian band. But... if it was what he wanted, and it made him happy, distracted him from other aspects of his life at the moment, I was willing to do it. I wanted it too.

"Okay... But not here. We can get out of here for the night, go to a hotel."

"Okay. We'll leave the other guys a note."

"Yes."

He sat up, pulling me with him, before standing up to find some paper and a pen. He scrawled down an excuse as to where we were going.

_'Guys,_

_We've gone out to stay in a hotel and take a shower and stuff. We want to get away from the tour for a while, and forget about things said. We'll be back some time tomorrow morning._

_From Spencer and Aaron'_

"Will that do?" he asked, handing it to me so I could read it.

"Yeah. And it's more or less the truth."

"Okay, let's go."

I grabbed the keys to my MoPed and ushered Spencer off the bus after me. We sneaked around to where they were parked. Sitting down on the vehicle, he wrapped his arms around me from behind and rested his head on my shoulder. This had to be my new favourite way of getting warm.

"And off we go," I murmured, accelerating.

* * *

And the next chapter is already here, if ya wanna read it... 


	2. Part 2

After a strangely enjoyable journey, where I was constantly being kissed or caressed or something similar to those, we arrived at a fairly large, decent looking hotel.

"Right," I said after parking the vehicle. "I'll go get us a room, come out and give you the number, and then go to the room. You follow me five minutes later. We don't want to look suspicious, do we?"

"No... Okay, I'll wait here."

Not being able to resist, I placed a kiss on his pierced lips before sliding off the MoPed and entering the hotel.

"Hi," I said to the receptionist. "I'd like to book a room for the night."

"Sure. A single room?"

"Yeah."

She typed something on her computer, announced the cost and handed me a room key.

"Thanks."

Quickly, I went outside to Spencer.

"Number 116," I told him. "See you in five minutes."

He nodded, and I turned away, finding the way to my hotel room. It took me about 2 minutes to find it, which meant I would have to wait 5 minutes for Spencer. Think about it scientifically. I used that time to get ready, and seriously considered the consequences of what could happen tonight. I sat down on the double bed, holding my face in my hands. I'd almost certainly have to break off my engagement to Jamie. But then... maybe it would be better that way, rather than having it end really horribly.

I went into the bathroom to splash some cold water on my face, still trying to believe what was happening. I was drying it when I heard a frantic knocking on the door. Hurriedly, I answered it.

"Spencer! I said wait 5 minutes!"

"There were these dodgy looking people hanging around. And I couldn't wait any longer."

Looking around behind him to see if anyone was there, I ushered him inside. We stood in the centre of the room for a while before doing anything, wondering exactly what to do. We simply stared at each other for a few moments, before we stepped towards each other in exact unison. I placed my hands on his shoulders and met his full lips with mine. As soon as they contacted, any doubts I'd had before were swept away, lost in the power of the kiss we shared. Instantly, Spencer's hands gripped my hips and pulled them to his, letting out a groan of relief. I pushed him over to the bed, causing him to fall on to it backwards, still managing to keep our lips joined. Skilfully, I ran my hands down his chest, to his stomach, eventually making to the bottom of his shirt. Under the fabric, I knew I would feel his soft skin, and the realisation made my fingers inch up through the material. They caressed and stroked, my lips parting in a smile as I heard Spencer gasp.

Shortly, I removed the shirt from over his head, smiling at what I saw. I bobbed my head down and placed a kiss in the centre of his chest, over his heart, which was beating at a hectic pace already. I kissed down his chest teasingly slowly, making it to his stomach. I stopped at his hips, returning my mouth to his. Almost immediately, he slid his hands up the back of my shirt, stroking my skin in a tickling way that made me tremble. He eased the shirt off from over my head, and I allowed myself to fall flat on top of him, loving the feeling of his skin against mine.

"Aaron," Spencer gasped, ripping his lips from mine. His voice took on a hysterical edge, the corners of his mouth curling upwards. "You're engaged."

"Then God forgive my sins," I breathed into his mouth. I wasn't going to ©turn back now. "It's about you and me right now."

He parted his lips again and raised them to mine. Eventually, my hand crept down to the buckle of the belt he always wore. I tried unfastening it with just one hand using the other one to hold myself up, but it was hopeless. I returned my hand to his shoulder, but Spencer gently pushed me away. He smiled and resumed a sitting position.

"It would be easier if we did this ourselves," he told me, reaching downwards to undo his belt.

I nodded, and began taking my shoes off. And my socks, because you'd look stupid wearing nothing but socks.

After removing all the necessary clothing items, we crawled under the covers of the bed. I shook my head in disbelief, trying to make it sink in that this was happening.

"You having any doubts?" Spencer asked me.

"No," I assured him. "Besides, I've already paid for the room, let's not waste it."

He smiled slightly, surprising me by instantly crushing his mouth against mine. I responded quickly, pulling his hips to mine, closing whatever gap lay between us. I smiled mentally, feeling his growing erection against mine. Our hands and mouths explored each other's bodies for a while, getting more and more adventurous. Eventually, Spencer was above me, holding himself up with his arms. I gazed into his eyes, smiling, in a way trying to tell him how happy I was right now.

Spencer placed a final kiss to my lips before working his way down my chest, to somewhere much lower. As he got there, I spread my legs obligingly, bracing myself for whatever sensation I was about to experience. His tongue ran down my member, in a tickling way that made me want to squirm. How did he know how to do this to me? Biting down on my lip, I tilted my head back, desperate to feel the warmth of his mouth around me.

"Spence," I moaned. "Don't tease me."

"Sorry," he breathed, knowing very well that it made me tremble.

With a slight bobbing motion, his mouth enveloped my length, causing me to suppress a loud groan. After a while his mouth returned to mine, tongue rolling around in it. Roughly, I pushed him off me and spun around so I was on top. I sat up straight and Spencer parted his legs, so I could sit comfortably between them.

"Spence... do you want to...?" I asked quietly.

"Of course I do. Especially if it's with you."

Smiling, I ran my callused fingers down to Spencer's entrance, sliding two inside. I saw his face clench in pain, feeling sorry that it was me causing it. Quickly, I pulled them out and replaced them with my throbbing length, feeling satisfied as he screamed out, his hands rushing to my shoulders, where the fingernails dug in deep. Biting my lip slightly, I gripped his hips and thrust downwards. He met my desperate thrusts and tilted his head back far. I moved one of my hands to his leaking erection, rubbing my thumb across the tip in time with my thrusts.

Just as all my energy was about to go, I came inside of Spencer as he spilled himself onto my hand and stomach. Breathing heavily, I pulled out of him and collapsed beside him. He wrapped an arm around me and pulled me close to him. As I was just about to sleep with pure exhaustion, I whispered a few words.

"Spence... I love you."

If I had managed to stay awake for a few more seconds, I would have heard him reply.

"I love you too..."

I awoke to bright sunlight the next morning, feeling the warmth of Spencer's body still beside me. I smiled, and shook in disbelief. My eyes opened and I jumped as I saw Spencer's wide eyes right up close to mine. I was pleased to see him smiling.

"Good morning," he said beaming.

"Hi," I replied, kissing his lips.

This could only be a good thing. If he had any regrets then he wouldn't still be lying here beside me.

"Aaron... last night was amazing. It really was. But... I want to go off the Warped tour. This... this still doesn't change things that have been said, and I want to get away from those sort of people for a while. And focus on friendships. Especially this one. Because a friendship can only stretch so far before it turns into something more."

"You... you want something more? Or... not..."

He bit his lip and nodded. "Yes."

"We need to tell the guys... And... I've been thinking about this for a long time... I need to call off my engagement. E-even if this hadn't happened, I'd still have to end it. Hell, this is gonna sound corny... you're the only one for me."

"You're right. That does sound corny. But... I... I love you."

At that moment I felt so happy that my heart hurt.

"I love you too."


End file.
